Here we are again,

this is yet one more pseudo-secret blog, just one of many i've created since i was an unjustifiably cynical 16 year old. the stories are different, the minor characters have changed, and yet here i am.
here i am, creating yet another place for secrets, for half-truths, for thoughts i refuse to let pass from my mind through my mouth.

part of me is tired. part of me is sick. part of me is insecure. a big part of me is insecure, actually. part of me is broken. part of me doesn't want to be fixed. part of me wants to hold these thoughts and feelings around me, like a barbed wire coat.

i can't hold it in. everyone says so. 'let it out, tell us what's wrong, what can we do to help'
i can't let it out-not all the way.
i can't explain what's wrong, i can't exactly pinpoint it myself.
there's nothing you can do to help.
and even if there was, i'm too proud for help anyway.

so i'll sit here, and i'll write.
and i'll bitch. and i'll moan.
i'll fill these proverbial pages with what i can't, won't, refuse to let loose into the world.

because once you put something it out in the universe, there's no taking it back from her.